TERMINATOR 3 (2003)

The one thing I love about having HBO is that I can usually count on some night in the week turning to it and finding either “Terminator 3” or “Something’s Gotta Give”. It seems like you can depend on being able to watch the movies no one really wants to see. And my reaction is usually “Jesus Christ! Terminator 3 again? What the fuck!” and then like a lamb to the slaughterhouse I bleat pitifully and watch it anyway. At least I’ve stuck to my guns and refused to watch “Something’s Gotta Give”. Jack Nicholson needs to retire and Diane Keaton cannot nor has she ever been able to act her way out of the proverbial paper bag.

This being said, there I was watching Terminator 3 on HBO one more time. The one thing I really think this movie has going for it is the sound effect used every time either Terminator or Mega-babe Terminator gets walloped. It’s the same sound as when Wyle E. Coyote’s head comes in contact with a wrecking ball. Clearly Peter Brown, the sound effects engineer, was on to something. He must have been certain the concept for the movie was a fusion of modern action films and the Road Runner cartoons of the 50’s.
I mean really, what’s the difference? For most of its 109 minutes, the Terminators take turns bashing each other around and just like Wyle E. they get back up virtually unscathed and carry on. The only thing missing are the large ACME signs on all the weaponry: ACME Terminator Eradicator.

In all fairness the movie actually pulls off a pretty amazing feat by avoiding the disaster-averted ending. The concept that Connor’s fate couldn’t be changed but merely postponed is downright Calvinistic.

But really, Nick Stahl? There doesn’t seem to be any connection between his John Connor and Edward Furlong’s from T-2. At no point, the ending included, does his character ever appear capable of becoming the grizzled scarred soldier alluded to in the previous films. Love him or hate him, Furlong’s Connor could have led the resistance before reaching puberty.

Perhaps they should have gotten Jack Nicholson. Maybe he’ll be asked to do “Something’s Gotta Terminate”.

Directed by Jonathan Mostow who previously had directed U-571, one of my guilty pleasures. HBO never shows it.

Uncle Phil gives Terminator 3 three out 12,000 feather dusters. And a pie in the face to California's governor. You voted for him so...ride it out, baby!